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Author Topic: Sipping Vodka  (Read 1828 times)

MDV

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Sipping Vodka
« on: February 09, 2007, 05:07:54 PM »
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous On the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.”

So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
1) Sip the vodka, don’t gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
8 ) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ass.
10) We do not refer to the cross as the “Big T.”
11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, “Take this and eat it for it is my body.” He did not say “Eat me”.
12) The Virgin Mary is not called “Mary with the Cherry,.
13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter’s not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.

Deadstar

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Sipping Vodka
« Reply #1 on: February 09, 2007, 05:19:17 PM »
Ahahahahahahahahahahaha lmfao.

Pretty gd man, reminds of the stuff my dad used to bring home from work that his mates had found on t'internet, which I'll try to find and post up soon.  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:
"The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources." -Einstein

Ratrod

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Sipping Vodka
« Reply #2 on: February 09, 2007, 07:00:18 PM »
That would have been a cool sermon to hear.
BKP user since 2004: early 7K Blackguard 50

Kilby

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Sipping Vodka
« Reply #3 on: February 09, 2007, 07:18:40 PM »
For more cheeryness on this Friday evening (well it is for me at the minute)

http://hostgator.rawilson.com/jokes.shtml
Goodbye London !

Davey

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Sipping Vodka
« Reply #4 on: February 11, 2007, 05:33:38 PM »
so THAT is where the
Bet my ass
Stoned off my ass and Eat me terms come from HAHAHAHA