Bare Knuckle Pickups Forum
At The Back => Time Out => Topic started by: MDV on March 24, 2009, 09:31:41 AM
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And buy about, say 50 packets of crisps, bring them into work and proceed to eat them, with my mouth open, all day.
If I ever attain a position of sufficient power, I'm banning crisps from offices.
Oh, and phones too. Or at least ringers. New phones will be commisioned with a bluetooth connection to a silent vibrating alert that you will keep on your person to serve as a signal to pick the phone up. This will be enforced by apparatus that detects the incoming phone calls, identifies the phone that the call is too and its ring tone and produces a sound identical to its ring tone, but 180 degrees out of phase from it, leaving only silence.
A further improvement one could make to the use of phones in offices - a decibelometer on the mouthpiece. Theres no reason to talk so loudly that someone 20 feet away can hear you more clearly than someone speaking normally 5 feet away. Exceed 70db as detected at the mouthpiece and an electric shock will be delivered through the handset.
And pointless conversations. Ones about
- How drunk you've been
- Hotels ("Holidays" but really its hotels)
- Flights (See above)
- Reality TV
- Facebook activity of any sort
Will be the first to go. Attempts to engage in pointless conversations will be met with the "Reading bowler" - an individual employed to stand ready with a pile of interesting reading material, capable of enhancing your understanding of the world and people around you, your imagination or some other facet of your being. The Reading bowler will, on overhearing a pointless conversation, hurl a good book at you in the fashion of a cricket bowler.
Also, I'm going to get a tattoo. It will be on my forehead, and it will read
Telling me the day of the week, which I assure you I already know, is NOT an appropriate answer to "How are you?"
OK, rant over.
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i dont mind the conversations about innane cr@p too much... i just get annoyed by the repetitiveness of it. Maybe i have been at the same place too long but i am sure i have heard everything some of them have to say--- but they seem to keep saying it over and over again
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i dont mind the conversations about innane cr@p too much... i just get annoyed by the repetitiveness of it. Maybe i have been at the same place too long but i am sure i have heard everything some of them have to say--- but they seem to keep saying it over and over again
what, like "Please, Sr, may I go to the toilet?"
:D
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I've worked at a few warehouses and conversations tend to consist of how 'hammered' they're going to get on friday night or how 'hammered' they got the night before. Usually this is spoken by a Chav who has the IQ of a fish.
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People actually answer the day of the week? Thats interesting.
My ex girlfriend used to lick every one of her fingers(noisily) when she stopped eating crisps to start talking. Which was after every 2 crisps. That was frustrating
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People actually answer the day of the week? Thats interesting.
My ex girlfriend used to lick every one of her fingers(noisily) when she stopped eating crisps to start talking. Which was after every 2 crisps. That was frustrating
Its code, you see, because their mood is determined by temporal proximity to the weekend.
Q: How are you?
A1: “Its Monday” Dourly as though their chips have been spat on
A2: “Its Tuesday” Somewhat forlornly, as though they dont know how they're going to make it through the week.
A3: “Its Wednesday” A little happier, since its half way through the week
A4: “Its Thursday!” Happier now, since tomorrow is Friday
A5: “Its Friday!” Gleefull, as though free blow jobs are being handed out and they’re the only person to know
Repeat every week, with every person.
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Glad to see you're happy in your work, MDV!
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?!
Don't they do free blow-jobs in your office on fridays then MDV?
We might not get pensions, bonuses, decent direction from management, all the minor "nice-to-have" things... but we do get the important benefits...
But, sadly, it's only tuesday, and I'm a little concerned whether I'll make it through to Friday this week :lol:
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This one reminded me of the story I heard about a chap that was going through a supermarket checkout ; and his progress was being hampered by the very rude habit of the checkout girl talking about dross to her mate on the next till instead of actually attending to the customer.
He caught her attention, then said :
" When I want to hear about your dull, boring - and ultimately FUTILE little life - I will ask you about it ". :evil:
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This one reminded me of the story I heard about a chap that was going through a supermarket checkout ; and his progress was being hampered by the very rude habit of the checkout girl talking about dross to her mate on the next till instead of actually attending to the customer.
He caught her attention, then said :
" When I want to hear about your dull, boring - and ultimately FUTILE little life - I will ask you about it ". :evil:
That guy rules!
This was all largely, well, mainly, Ok, only because I forgot my fraking headphones and had to listen to all the racket and everyones drivel. Home now and all is well. Nice soothing metal is on.
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i dont mind the conversations about innane cr@p too much... i just get annoyed by the repetitiveness of it. Maybe i have been at the same place too long but i am sure i have heard everything some of them have to say--- but they seem to keep saying it over and over again
what, like "Please, Sr, may I go to the toilet?"
:D
i can cope with the kids... they eventually grow up or leave - the adults i work with never seem to change
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:lol: excellent.
did you watch office space last night or something?
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No, I didnt. I dont even know what that is. Dont watch much TV.
But, I have relaxed a bit, and shall make note to remembermy earphones AND take the backups back into work next time I use them!
Brought it all on myself really. I know what happens when tired and grouchy me meets a light-workload day and the sounds of an office...
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oh, if you've never seen it, you should definitely watch it. it's a film, basically about what you complained about in your original post. absolutely awesome, it's a satire.
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I'll have to watch that!
Wait, it wont be too-painfully-close, like the office will it (oh, and not funny, like the office)
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i haven't watched very much of the office, but it's not cringeworthy like the office- you know the "i'm too embarrassed to watch" kind of thing? not like that- just ridiculously funny. i'm not sure about "too painfully close" to real life though... i think it's probably just about ok. takes real life, and goes half a step further so that things are obviously ridiculous- like most good satire.
can't really say any more or it'll spoil the plot. i don't like the office either (but as i said, i haven't watched much of it), and i liked it, so...
:)
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I'll check it out, ta.
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My goodnesss you would most certainly hate forgetting your headphones on a Year 10 schoolday.
These are idiots to the extent where they think that their mispronunciation of my one sylable name is hilarious. Any sentences of mine containing more than one word in excess of four sylables are automatically memorised and repeated to me at least once a week as though they'd just been sent through twenty rounds of chinese whispers by way of mockery.
And don't get me started on their constant babbling about sex and drugs, neither of which any of them have any experience of.
These chavs are like your office workers but completely immature. Trust me, you have it easy; if this lot started talking about hotels the world would implode because they would obviously have had to absorb at least some modicum of culture.
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Here is the answer.
http://www.iwantoneofthose.com/web-cam-missile-launcher/index.html
All you then need are some tacks and maybe a little poison.
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You can't choose the people you work with! This is one of the reasons I do jobs where, on the whole I rely little on others. Driving a big truck around London with your ipod blaring out of the stereo and steering wheel drumming whilst sing/shouting out of the window at the bewildered general public is a good way to spend your working day! :D
I feel your pain Mark. :x
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:(
Today was a half-day though! Yay for impromptue holidays!
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These chavs are like your office workers
These chavs ARE your coworkers, MDV.
As far as im concerned the Office environment is a continuation of the school environment, and that's why i think most people go back to behaving like utter inconsiderate tw@ts just like they did in school.
For a long time i thought an Office job would be paradise, haaaaaaaaah!