Bare Knuckle Pickups Forum
At The Back => The Dressing Room => Topic started by: Brow on March 05, 2011, 11:17:38 PM
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Long post coming up so I apologise!
I've been out of a regularly gigging band for about 3 years or so, just helping out here and there with bands where I can as I haven't found anything in that time that I'd want to be a part of full time.
Just after new years I got a tryout for a band playing a mixture of 70s and 80s Rock aswell as some more upto date stuff. I eventually got the place in the band and we had a practice. Before the practice I knew about 25% of their set, so not too bad a start.
We had to have 5 weeks off (basically the last week of January and the whole of February) as the bassist was in Australia, so over those 5 weeks I worked my ass off and learnt the whole of their 40 song set. I was playing regularly, sometimes for 4 or 5 hours at a time, which is something I haven't done for a hell of a long time and got all the songs learnt for the next practice, which was Thursday of this week.
The 1st gig was tonight, well, it should've been, had I not had a text message from the singer on Wednesday saying I was being dropped as 'they' (I found out later it was just the singers decision) had decided to stay with their ex guitarist who disappeared with no contact in November 2010 but who has now been intouch and begged to come back.
I've never felt so down and disheartened about my musical situation in my life as I have in the past few days. I mentioned to my girlfriend that I should probably just pack my stuff up and throw it on Ebay. I don't have any desire or drive at the minute to play guitar and am just sick of the whole thing tbh. I know it's only disappointment talking and I'll get over it, but I've never felt this way before and it's really gotten me down.
Another kick in the nuts is that I was told I'd need a mic for my amp for live use, so I'm now £55 out of pocket after buying that too!
I really do hate people sometimes :shock:
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I never feel like giving up guitar. But I have given up bands. Musicians aren't the best employers or the most reliable of employees.
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that sucks.
don't give up because of them, they're just douchebags.
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You know what's going to happen though. Three months from now you'll get a phone call saying the guitarist has disappeared again. Then you can tell them where to stick it.
Or you could go to the rehearsals then not turn up for the gigs, that'd be a laugh too. I'd do that.
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Many times as I just can't find any good local musicians and I'm really bored of playing alone. Haven't even had any inspiration for writing/recording my own music for what seems like months now - I used to write a new track every couple of weeks or so.
Considering selling off some gear I don't use much as I could use the money for my other interests (photography and mountain bikes)!
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that sucks.
don't give up because of them, they're just douchebags.
This.
Youre always going to encounter dickheads. So what?
You also got loads of practice out of it, are likely a better guitarist as a result. Being in a band is obviously important to you: take that to the next one. And the next, etc.
To answer the thread title: no, never.
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people are selfish arseholes sometimes but.....on the positive side
you have just completed a bunch of song focussed practise, learning new stuff which will have undoubtably made you a far better musician and ready for the next challenge...
and you can now mike yourself up for the next opportunity
we are guitarists, we are the chosen people, we play to make the world a better place, we often do that [albeit on a smaller scale] - now you don't want to let the whole world down by giving up do you? of course not...
best wishes
David 8)
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Don't give up mate - there are some good folks out there! Keep looking :)
But if you're selling your Splawn, you know who to call....... ;)
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I've not been in a gigging band for about 5 years now. I've been in a couple of bands since then but it's difficult finding the right people to play with, especially in a county where there aren't many singers etc.
I've kind of grown to like jamming to tracks and trying new things out. As long as I've got a guitar and something to play along to I'm just as happy.
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Boy, that's a kick in the nuts.
Sometimes you get fed up with things and think sod all. Actually you just need to take a break. You'll come crawling back to the guitar at some point because you love it.
Don't get me started on singers, though.
You know how a singer changes a light bulb? He sticks it in the socket and expects the world to revolve around him. Goes for female singers too.
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Brow, you may feel a bit used now but don't let them prevent you from playing.You did all the right things- they didn't.Being in a band is partly about being part of something worthwhile and being able to rely on each other. You clearly cannot count on these guys so use the experience-all the stuff you have learned and use it to go into something else.
This band will come a cropper one day- whether you get to see it or not is not important. Getting into a band isn't easy-I have been incredibly lucky that I have managed to but there have been times when in desperation I have joined in with morons. It never lasted long, frustrated me and I moved on to something else. My present band mates have become friends( the drummer & I have been mates for 20 years) though people have come and gone in the last few years. My band is not special but gets a lot of work and a lot of laughs are had. I am sure that this is replicated across the country-the point I am getting to in my usual long winded way is that there is likely going to be either an existing band in your area that will one day need someone like you or there is one that may not exist but once it does, will be what you are looking for. Keep at it - go to open mic nights- not necessarily to join in but watch for talented people and afterwards ask them if they have a band or are looking to form one. I did an open mic last week on impulse goaded on by a mate as there were not many people there and I ended up doing three songs and had 2 people ask me if I was interested in being in a band. If I wasn't in one, I'd have jumped at it.The guys who asked, hadn't taken part -they'd just gone to watch for suitable people.
You'll feel let down now but you will be better off in the long run- these jokers are not worth it.
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Don't quit playing guitar - NEVER!!!
Sometimes the urge to play hits rock bottom, but it will eventually come back and you'll really kick yourself around if you decide to sell all your gear.
That singer guy is a real dick and (maybe the others are as well?) and if this a behavioral (is that a real word???) pattern is like this i think tragedy would have been inevitable.
It's always hard being thrown out of a band, but I'm sure you'll be able to find some other and better guys to play with.
And like Monty Phyton sings: Always look on the bright side of life... :D
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It's a bit like getting dumped by a girlfriend because her flaky ex has asked her out again
You feel like giving up on dating and women in general , but given time away to regroup and get over it you feel ready for when the right girl comes along
The practise and learning you did for this band wont be a waste as you simply developed your own skills as a musician and also your learning skills
Both of these skills are transferable - into other musical projects and other areas of your life too
By all means take a break for a week or two - do something else that you enjoy - whether it be sport or socialising with other friends or quality time with family or your girlfriend.
You'll emerge stronger again in a few weeks
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A couple of years ago, I found that every time I tried to practice, it took a lot of effort not to burst into tears. I don't quite know why. I know I was in a pretty dark place, and maybe it was spending time by myself. Maybe it was the fact that I'd been forcing myself to practice when I really just wanted to crawl into a hole, I don't know.
So I stopped. I told myself I wouldn't pick my guitar up again until I felt ready.
It took six months, but I came back...
I think it was Led Zeppelin that said it best... 'I can't quit you baby, so I'm gonna put you down for a while'
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I often think about packing in guitar, simply because I've never got past the "utterly cr@p" stage (all entirely my fault, apart from the first year or so I've never put much effort into it - it takes a lot to get me motivated).
Sometimes the thought of raising a few grand from guitar sales, and creating lots of S P A C E in my flat, is very appealing. But then I think hey, I like guitars even if I can't play them.... and what else am I going to do instead?
In your case, Brow, I understand your frustration but I'm sure it'll wear off very quickly!
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I'm of pretty much the same mindset as you Philly. I know I'll never be great (or even good) but something about the look of the guitars fascinates me. I doubt I'll ever change but will no doubt go through various stages of wanting to give up.
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Thanks for the posts guys, appreciate the kind words and advice.
I'm sure I'll be fine and get over it, so my gear will be staying where it is (sorry Dave :lol:).
Thing is, I'd been in a non playing rut for about 6 months before the audition came along and it spurred me back into action. Now it's all been a waste (in some ways, not in others) I'm more or less right back where I was.
I'm like Philly and Ian in that I'm not that great (their words not mine), I should be alot better for how long I've been playing, and it takes alot to motivate me. I'm not the kind of guitarist that can sit at home and write songs, I need to be with someone that can atleast get the lyrics and a vague chord structure etc done and then I jam over it until I find something that works. This means I can't not be in a band if you know what I mean?
It's also another reason I'm probably going to stick to the covers side of things, I'm just not that creative of a player and guess it's easier to play someone elses stuff than to create something new.
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I've only ever wanted to be in a covers band, and I really enjoy the two that I'm in.
it's all about the fun mate, do whatever you enjoy. Same goes for you too Philly!
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Sounds like you need a massive blow out in a rock club.
Seriously though. Don't worry about it. You found that band, it didn't work out, but you will find another.
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i'd look on the brightside too(i'm a pessamist) in that all the practice is hours under your belt.
it wasn't mean't to be, maybe the next opportunity will be.
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It's a bit like getting dumped by a girlfriend because her flaky ex has asked her out again
Wait until she's getting married to a cross dresser, she's is asking you for advise on which wedding dress and the engagement ring was off ebay which costs less than you're watch!!!
Brow: NEVER GIVE UP!!! Set a goal, then work out how you're going to get there and do it :)
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Like most things in life the journey is more important than the destination. You got most of the journey done so head off in another direction and start another project.
My band of a few years has just come to an end and I feel the opposite; I'm excited about what other things I can do and feel strangely liberated. I think as guitarists should always be a bit selfish and say to ourselves that what we do at home, our personal practise and recording is the most important thing and the band stuff comes second anyway.
Bands can be hard work, hard to control and depressing when things go wrong so always make them slighly less important than your playing.
I always put 100% in at rehearsals but if people are moaning about being tired, not bothering to turn up or just not arsed I always think that I could be at home working on a masterpeice rather than this and when it goes tits I go back to my own stuff.
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But in answer to your original question, yes sometimes!
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Getting a set of 40 songs together is no mean feat - I have spent year trying to retain 10!
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(I was going to write a short "bummer, keep your chin up, hope it works out..." reply... instead you got this pile of waffle... sorry! :lol:)
+1 to a lot of what other people have said... especially the stuff about what the intensive practice etc has done for you personally.
Remember I'm vocalist, though, folks :lol: - This git might well have had quite valid reasons for wanting to stick with what he/she knows if he/she can still hang on to it... HOWEVER, look at it this way: "It's their problem, it doesn't matter a bugger why they made the decision they have... they just have, and they can keep it..."
On the question in the title - I have given up playing guitar in the past, totally, for a couple of years. I thought it was for various reasons, but in hindsight it was because I hadn't realised this at the time:
it's all about the fun mate, do whatever you enjoy.
It's so easy to become a slave to anything we do, whether we do that thing because we enjoy it or not. But it's a real surprise to discover that something we do because we thought we enjoyed it, and because it's "what makes the days worthwhile" (music to most of us on here I guess), is what is actually bringing us down...
I gave up for a couple of years, but I needn't have left it that long if I'd realised earlier that it wasn't the guitar playing itself that was getting me, but the expectations I was bringing to it that were depressing me so much...
Have a look at why you're playing, what gives you the jollies, explore what's in your control to make it seem worthwhile again.... I'd be quite surprised if you discovered that there's no point at all in carrying on.
I have to admit that I'm in a totally different position to you and a lot of others on here. I've discovered that I don't actually need other musicians to do what makes my bell ring. In some areas, other musicians would make some of the things I want to do so much easier. But, in general, my experience with bands over the years means I actively do NOT want the involvement of any others (musicians, promoters, pub-landlords, etc) in my music at the moment, perhaps never ever again... I've never been happier with my guitar-playing and music than I am now, just piddling around being a one-man band and making my stuff available for free on the internet.
However, I fully understand the position you're in. The other guitarist in the last band I was in 10 years ago is in the same boat - without lyricist, singer, bassist, drummer, etc, he felt couldn't actually do what he enjoyed doing so much.
Think about what drew you to the wretched thing (the guitar) in the first place, what kept you spending (time and money) on it... are these things gone? If not, concentrate on them for a while, everything will fall into place, mebbe not in the way you're expecting at the moment...
Good luck :D
Btw, I don't feel the need to play live anymore, but if I did, I love 38th's suggestion about open mic nights, it sounds like a really good idea to me. There is so much talent out there, go and see what it's doing and the effect it's having on an audience... chat them up, see what they think they want...
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I always think about packing it in. I'm 29 and have been "playing" since I was 16, but I am really very very cr@p for the amount of time I have owned Guitars. I should be able to widdle and solo all over the place by now, but I just can't. I am self-taught, and reached my self-teaching limit a long time ago, but due to my (eternally) poor financial situation, I can never afford lessons. I need to get lessons in order to progress, so for the last 10 years I have been at the same level of competence.
So yes, I feel like jacking it in all the time. But then I pick it up and get ideas for songs, and I forget the negative stuff. Truly I wish I could eke more technical prowess out of myself, as I get frustrated that I can't play what is in my head, but I keep soldiering on. Hopefully, when I get to 40, I will have enough spare cash for lessons for once, heh. And my gear? PFFFT! Forget about it. I keep kidding myself that I'm going to get a new Axe at some point, I've been playing the same low-end, bottom quality guitars for 12 years and I just keep having to re-solder them or squeeze the last remnants of tonal potential out of them, but ultimately I know I'm fighting a losing battle.
That's why I love coming here and watching people having NGD posts. Whilst I can never have that feeling myself, I get all warm and fuzzy when I see someone else finally putting that particular bout of GAS to rest. I have a lot of admiration for Twinfan, Jonathan, Nolly and gWem... to be able to say "I want that" and a few months later say "NGD! I got it!" must be the nicest feeling in the world, and it makes me feel really happy for them all.
I try to turn this all into a positive for myself, rather than get jealous, throw a hissy fit and give my guitars away, it just spurs me on to be a better song-writer, so that one day I might actually be able to sell my music and get the tuition (and more importantly GEAR!!!) I have always dreamed of! I tried a Korina Explorer recently that was £350 and absolutely loved it! So I set myself a target: Two years of hard work and trying to get my music off the ground finally, I should be able to save up my own money and actually get one. No more credit cards, I am chopping them all up. If I need to, I'll get a job delivering Pizza or something, but I am determined to finally get back in the black, save for lessons and new gear.
If it kills me, I am going to get those lessons and keep picking up my guitars. Negatives to positives, that's all that counts.
NEVER GIVE UP PLAYING!!!!!!!! :D :D :D
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Thanks for all the advice guys.
I don't think I ever would actually stop playing guitar because if I did, I honestly would have no other outlets or interests to fill my time with. With how cr@p my jobs been for the last year, I REALLY need other things in my life to take my mind off it. I think that's why I was so disappointed when the singer dumped me from the band because after the worst year at work I've ever had I thought I'd finally found something to put my time and effort into but now it's not the case.
I'll keep soldiering on and see where I end up.
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Brow, do you write your own material at all?
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I get this from time to time, I try finding something that inspires me to get back on the wagon and keep practicing. Trouble is life and work seem to get in the way all too often.
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I had a similar experience with a thrash metal band once I wanted to join. In my case I only learned three songs though - it still was a lot of work so I can imagine how you felt with an entire set. What it came down to was that the singer wanted me in the band, the bassist and drummer had no opinion and the other guitarist said "no" and got his way. shite just happens. At least now I can still play Slayer's "The Antichrist", so look at it from the bright side.
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if it helps I've also felt like giving up many many times, I found that taking a long break from playing helped me lots! I also quit my band, and stop letting them take the piss out of my talent and have realised I'm better off as a solo artist, I hope you are feeling better!
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I've felt like quitting many times. What seems to work for getting me back into it is listening to loads of stuff and then trying to learn it. Your hours of focussed practice will really pay off in the long run and make you a better guitarist.
Stick at it I reckon.
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Cheers for the advice and opinions so far.
I ve re-signed upto several 'Find band member sites' so am just going to keep plugging away and see what happens.
Brow, do you write your own material at all?
Not really no.
In the last originals band I was in the other guitarist/singer wrote the lyrics and a vague outline of the chords and then as we were learning it we'd throw our own bits and pieces in as and when anyone had anything that worked.
I can't write lyrics to save my life and I can't really sit and write riffs etc unless I have a direction to go in.
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glad you are powering on with it. I am feeling exactly the same at the moment.
What websites did you sign up on?
the only ones i know of are
joinmyband.co.uk & partysounds.co.uk
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glad you are powering on with it. I am feeling exactly the same at the moment.
What websites did you sign up on?
the only ones i know of are
joinmyband.co.uk & partysounds.co.uk
Yep those 2 and www.formingbands.co.uk aswell so far
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ahh i remember forming bands it seems great at first until you want to contact someone and they agree then the webmaster asks you to pay him for the contact details.....
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Try one called Bandmix too, not bad.
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ahh cool cheers ill check that out.
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ahh i remember forming bands it seems great at first until you want to contact someone and they agree then the webmaster asks you to pay him for the contact details.....
Yeah, that is a bit nasty. I tend to go on there and if the person I'm interested in contacting has a band name as a username, I just google them and find their details another way :)
Try one called Bandmix too, not bad.
Cheers, I'll try that 1 too
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def agree with some of the other lads- take the practice time as a positive for your chops
giving up is not an option
There are only 2 guarantees in life- death is one, the other is that there will always be C***s in bands.
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Sorry to hear about this Brow. 5 weeks solid practise to be told that would piss me off too. This band thing can really get you down. There are so many mugs doing it. I've been let down again too. Don't give up though, keep smiling! :-)
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You have demonstrated that, given the incentive, you have incredible levels of commitment. You just need to find a band that will appreciate your dedication. I've had some terrible disappointments over the years so I know how you must be feeling but, like yourself, I don't really have any other interests. It's the only thing that I'm half decent at.
I recruited a second guitarist for my band who learned a load of our songs before his audition and was duly offered the job. Since then he seems to have decided he doesn't have to try any more and it's difficult to get him to learn one or two new songs in a week. We've had a break for a few weeks and I basically told him that I expect him to be up to speed by the next rehearsal. If not, he's out. Shame you don't live near me.
Richie.
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Sorry to hear about this Brow. 5 weeks solid practise to be told that would piss me off too. This band thing can really get you down. There are so many mugs doing it. I've been let down again too. Don't give up though, keep smiling! :-)
Yeah, I was pretty annoyed by the whole thing. I saw your thread, looks like you were having a pretty cr@p time of it too!
You have demonstrated that, given the incentive, you have incredible levels of commitment. You just need to find a band that will appreciate your dedication. I've had some terrible disappointments over the years so I know how you must be feeling but, like yourself, I don't really have any other interests. It's the only thing that I'm half decent at.
I recruited a second guitarist for my band who learned a load of our songs before his audition and was duly offered the job. Since then he seems to have decided he doesn't have to try any more and it's difficult to get him to learn one or two new songs in a week. We've had a break for a few weeks and I basically told him that I expect him to be up to speed by the next rehearsal. If not, he's out. Shame you don't live near me.
Richie.
Cheers mate :)
Like you said, I pretty much have no other interests, so when I got asked to learn the songs I didn't have anything else stopping me, apart from my lack of guitar skill :lol:
Still no word on anything else coming along and I've barely touched my guitars since. I really need something to get me going again!
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I really need something to get me going again!
Stop being a mamby pamby and play!
Was that encouraging? Worked for my father ... pdt_008