Bare Knuckle Pickups Forum
At The Back => The Dressing Room => Topic started by: Muso on August 30, 2006, 12:56:22 PM
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COW ECONOMICS
SOCIALISM:
You have 2 cows
and you give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM:
You have 2 cows
the Government takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM:
You have 2 cows
the Government takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM:
You have 2 cows.
The Government takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM:
You have 2 cows
the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away...
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later,
you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION: (i love this one)
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows
But you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows
None of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN IRISH FARMER:
You have two cows.
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LOL, kool
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irish one has to be the best :lol: :lol: :lol:
classic stuff, where did you find it?
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^ gah, making fun of irish people again, eh?
:lol:
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^ gah, making fun of irish people again, eh?
Wow, an Irish person that actually noticed we were making fun of them!! That's a first :drink:
To be fair though, it's not all Irish people - just a few that give you all a bad name (my grandmother for example, she still tells jokes about Irish people :lol:)
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So does my Irish Aunt. Whenever I have been in Ireland, they told me jokes about people from Kerry.
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he he, I loved that. I like Irish jokes and I am second gen Irish. Who cares.
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i was born in thurles, eire and yeah they make jokes about people from kerry there too... Its people from kerry that give us irish a bad name.. I liked the japanese and english ones
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I know, I tell jokes about irish people too...
but it's very easy to say who cares if the jokes aren't about you, specifically.
I doubt the english would be saying "who cares" if the jokes were about them...
and after all, the northern irish exams are harder than the english ones... the the republic of ireland exams are harder again...
:D
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too true! your average irish drunk is still smarter than anyone else. i mean, look at the state we get in and still find our way home at night!
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and after all, the northern irish exams are harder than the english ones... the the republic of ireland exams are harder again...
:D
To get into medicine, we need 590 points in most places and in the best places 600! (and thats out of 600!)
too true! your average irish drunk is still smarter than anyone else. i mean, look at the state we get in and still find our way home at night!
ahh ,but we're only smart when we're drunk.
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I never mind English jokes- I am from Essex originally and have endured Essex jokes for years.Usually jokes are re hashed to suit whoever is the flavour of the month to have a go out- as long as it is meant in jest, no harm done.
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British always think they're the best ... just because they had Blackmore, Page, Gilmour, Marshall .... ehh ...
Hmmm, maybe they aren't so bad in the end :oops:
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... but Reinhold Bogner is from Germany (took me a while to find one) :)
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I know, I tell jokes about irish people too...
but it's very easy to say who cares if the jokes aren't about you, specifically.
well they are about my family....
and after all, the northern irish exams are harder than the english ones... the the republic of ireland exams are harder again...
:D
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LMAO
good one.. i gotta send it around to people
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To get into medicine, we need 590 points in most places and in the best places 600! (and thats out of 600!)
I'd agree with you, but I have no idea what those figures mean... :oops:
but yeah, I agree with 38th- normally it is only in jest. and that's grand. I've told plenty of paddy the irishman jokes in my time...
:D
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To get into medicine, we need 590 points in most places and in the best places 600! (and thats out of 600!)
I'd agree with you, but I have no idea what those figures mean... :oops:
but yeah, I agree with 38th- normally it is only in jest. and that's grand. I've told plenty of paddy the irishman jokes in my time...
:D
We have this points system here, f*&king stupid, we do 7 subjects for our leaving certificate, each subject can earn up to 100 points, (i.e 100%), but we are graded on only 6 subjects, (they keep the highest test results (use only six) and they grade us on that). for example, my cousin was 100 points short for marine engineering here, so he went to england to do it and he was the equivalent of 100 points over what he needed.
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i think the points system is similar for queens university in belfast, although it's several ( 8) ) years since my last application. which was to art college. um, forget i spoke...
yeah, anyway, it is definately harder to get in to queens in belfast or trinity in dublin short of anything in england except certain. but not all, courses at cambridge and oxford. for vetrinary medicine, dublin is the hardest in the world to get in to!!!
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My youngest son grew up and lives in Ireland and has faffed up his final cert-the points system you guys mention I can readily identify with.
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i think the points system is similar for queens university in belfast, although it's several ( 8) ) years since my last application. which was to art college. um, forget i spoke...
yeah, anyway, it is definately harder to get in to queens in belfast or trinity in dublin short of anything in england except certain. but not all, courses at cambridge and oxford. for vetrinary medicine, dublin is the hardest in the world to get in to!!!
it really depends on the course and the university, to be honest. and unless it's changed since I applied, the queens point system isn't really anything like the one down south.