Heya guys,
I really love this forum. So many nice folks and great musicians round here, so I thought, why not open up a thread about something "off topic" and get some experiences and opinions on a bigger subject in life.
So after being in a relationship for the past 3 and a half years, today was the day where I decided to end it. There are plenty of reasons and I must say it wasn't easy, mainly because this was the first time I broke up with someone. Sounds pathetic maybe, but I had few relationships and most times the better I treated the Lady's, the worse they treated me and told me to go fork myself, but then again before I met this particular girl, my longest relationship lasted a month. Other than that I had quite some fun without getting into something serious. :lol:
Thinking about all the time I actually spent with one person I don't feel bad. I don't regret anything and it was a great time with lots of good and bad memories. Eventually that was the reason it was time to break up: after all the years it became a habit. Just like you brush your teeth every morning, just like you wake up and grab a coffee it wasn't anything special or exciting anymore, nothing to discover, nothing to change. No feelings anymore. The first two years where the best ones, after that it slowly started to get worse.
I had a talk with her about a month ago telling her everything I didn't like about the situation, after all you're a lot more open after your third glass of wine. But I didn't see anything change. And I had a lot of time to think about everything, not seeing her because I was basically just going from work back home and back to work again.
So I called her up to met her at a cafe and told her I didn't have any feelings anymore and that I don't wanna be stuck in a relationship that actually isn't one. I was just being honest. I can't describe what pictures were racing through my head before she arrived: would she cry, would she shout, would she be angry? Quite amazing how many different scenarios went through my brain, I could have written a Hollywood Drama based on that. Well her reaction was quite surprising, or at least not something I would have expected.
She was calm, not surprised, not angry, not moved in any way. Just like nothing would be different she talked to me in her usual manner, telling me that she was expecting it to happen. Telling me she would have ended it if I hadn't done it. What a nice surprise. No fighting, no negativity, just a nice break up. I don't know, I guess it hurts a bit more then I expected since she wasn't crying, when you expect someone to be broken about you leaving, having a calm and unmoved reaction seems to suggest that you weren't as important to the person as you thought you'd be. But then again I sound like an asshole when I say this, so I won't complain.
I feel funny right now. I'm having that feeling that seems to eat me up from the inside, nothing huge or dramatic, but it's there. I don't know how to describe it. I'm happy I can now move on to new adventures, new things and maybe find new love (God I could write Justin Bieber/Lady Gaga/Teenage cr@p songs when I talk like that) but there's a bitter taste to that positive feeling. I think that leaving a person you known for so long just leaves it's mark and eventually it will go away.
Anyway, just wanted to share my experience with you guys, I think I need to talk with people about it to feel better. Share your stories, tell me your opinion and as always, rock on and don't let GAS prevent you from becoming the next Hendrix, cheers!
