Last night we had an audtion for a new drummer for our band - two candidates - one guy just didn't turn up, not even a text or email to apologise. The other pulled out at the last minute (not sure if he is Catholic, so let's not go there....) but I just had to share his excuse - too good not to
"Mike,
If someone gives you a better reason why they can't do something...I'd love to hear it. Here goes:
Last night my (lovely, placid and docile) dog was (once again) being wound up and attacked by my wife's (horrible, spiteful and aggressive) cat using what we in the military call a scoot-and-shoot technique.
My dog (a weimaraner) decided that the conciliatory approach was not working and opened up with what I would call an artillery "grid square clearance" operation...thus neutralising the threat. Diplomatic intervention (tentative collar grabbing and a lot of ineffective "leave it" shouting) by my wife and I was too late and not enough to prevent the all-out canine retaliatory offensive.
In short, and in civilian parlance, what happened was the my dog spectacularly wasted my wife's cat in the middle of the living-room last night (most irritatingly, it was during a particularly good episode of Spooks).
Needless to say that, as this spiteful wretch of an ex-cat was my wife's pride and joy (and her sole and isolated instance of poor judgement), the scenario that unfolded itself has not gone down terrible well Chez Nous.
The cat's demise is something that I would have seen as an generally good thing (although I doubt the cat would have shared my opinion) but has precipitated some dog retention issues for me.
Consequently, I have rather a lot to sort out (dog stay/dog go type stuff) with the more than marginally angry Mrs C this evening and, as such, I'm not so sure that I'll be allowed out to play.
I do apologise, for messing you around. If the second drummer you have planned for this evening is useless (or doesn't turn-up and does not have a suitably impressive story about how he is not allowed out tonight as his pet crocodile went on a snapping rampage through Woking town centre this afternoon), please give me a shout as I'd still be very interested.
Whatever you decide...good luck with your project."
You have to give him marks for originality - even though it meant that we spent a wasted 3 hours at the rehearsal studios....
Mike
