NGD!!! :D
And the winner is..... ***drum roll***..... a mateo blue Paul Reed Smith McCarty!!! And the best part is that I paid absolutely $0.00 because luckily I had two other guitars that the seller really wanted. I didn't even wait 5 minutes after walking into the door of my house to install a calibrated set of Bareknuckle Warpigs w/ burnt chrome covers in it (the burnt chrome matches the paua abalone bird inlays perfectly). The wait was worth it!
But wait, there's more! One of my local guitar shops had a Jim Root Fender Telecaster! I played it, and it really does check all of the boxes for me... playability, tone, comfort, looks... and it's affordable enough to be an everyday player. Needless to say, it's on hold until I sell another guitar! :lol:
Thanks to everyone for the great input!