Never confuse laxatives with Viagra...

[JacksonRR]

How do you get a baby out of a blender? With chips(or crisps  :roll:).

[Oroficus]

What do you call a Dog with Wings ?   Linda McCartney

[JacksonRR]

What's the difference between Sasquatch and Michelle Obama? One's a tall, scary, loud, hairy creature with big feet and the other is Sasquatch.

[schantist]

What has four legs and one hand ?
A doberman on the children's playground

[Dmoney]

what has two legs and bleeds...
























...half a dog

[schantist]

And one of the worst:
What's the difference between a truckload of pingpong balls and a truckload of stillborn babies ?












You'll sure have a hard time unloading a truck full of pingpong balls using a pitchfork...

[JacksonRR]

Catholic Priest, a doctor and a nurse are running out of a burning Children's ward and the nurse says, "What about the children!?" The doctor says, "Fukk the children!" The priest says, "You think we have time?"

[Dmoney]

what is the difference between a catholic priest and a plastic bag? one is dangerous around children, and the other you use to carry your veg.

[schantist]

At catholic school, all the boys go to the vicar to confess.

The first boy says "Father, I've stolen a pack of crisps from my roommate".
The vicar says "You shall repent your sins, silently pray "Our Father" five times and be forgiven".

The next boy comes in: "Father, I've been drinking alcohol and acted inappropriately"
Vicar : "You shall repent your sins, pray the rosary 3 times and be forgiven"

Suddenly, the vicar gets a phone call and has to leave immediately, so he ask his apprentice priest to finish the confession.
An older boy enters the confessional: "Father, even though me and my girlfriend are not married, she gave me a blowjob"

The young priest is unsure how to assess the penalty, opens his door and asks a waiting schoolboy:" Hey, what does the vicar ususally give for a blowjob?"
"10$ and a pack of cookies"

[fbloke]

Good Lord, what have I started with this post?  You lot are a disgrace.

What's the difference between a Ferrari and a dead prostitute?

- I haven't got a Ferrari in my garage.

[Oroficus]

Was she a Russian prostitute called, KNICKERSONOROFF.

[JacksonRR]

What's worse than 10 dead hookers in a dumpster? One dead hooker in ten dumpsters.

[Oroficus]

An Aussie rancher comes across a remote farmhouse and finds a girl sitting on the porch.
"D'yer screw" ? he asks. "Not usually" she replies.
"But ya talked me into it ya smooth-tongued b@stard".

[Oroficus]

What no new jokes !!!!
Must be a drought on.




What happened to the female streaker with the big jugs at the Rock Gig ?  She was thrown out by the bouncers.

[fbloke]

I phoned in sick this morning. 

My boss said "How sick are you?"

I Said: "Well, I'm in bed with my Sister..."