This tale of woe has made my morning :D
It also had my missus and her visiting friend in hysterics...
I am so glad that someone else has the same trouble as I do with the pickup springs - I feel your pain.
Luckily I haven't had to resort to help from the missus (because, and she agrees with this, I'd probably have behaved the same way...).
Unfortunately, I have no secret knowledge to impart. Most took me ages, but the very last pickup I did, the springs went in almost as fast as the record breaking 15 seconds you quote for Schatzien (was this for one spring or both?!)
I think it's something to do with the way you hold all the bits. And also, it probably requires not getting too excited about what it's going to sound like when all this fiddly stuff has been done. And, if you're anything like me, the soldering is the bit I'm worried about, I always under-estimate "just putting a few screws in first". With the first set I did, I got really annoyed, but the missus reports that I must have kept that to myself... (I didn't like to tell her that she was out doing the food shopping on her own at the time!)
I'd be very keen to know if someone else has any secrets on how to do it, I've some MQs on the way, and although I no longer fear it, I'm not looking forward to the "spring battle"!!