Gulp. Thats a big'un ! Like most folks, I feel pretty much lost for words in these situations. But I admire your honesty, and heartily recommend you spend as much time as you possibly can with those people who truly love you, and whom you truly love.
I also heartily recommend making peace with God. It's at times like these when the eternal appears to become more relevant, even though it was there all along.
God bless yer, and hopefully we'll see you posting for a while longer.
Alan