Amusing list of common word-use errors

[Will]

Common word-use errors

- Treating the word 'nutters' as an adjective to describe an individual. Nutters is a noun. (nutters (noun, plural) - people who are behaving in an insane manner, e.g. "What a pair of nutters.") Correct words would be "bonkers" or "nuts", as in "You're nuts, Hermione!" or "Have you seen Malfoy? He's gone stark raving bonkers!".

- "I could care less if/about..." This implies that the person speaking does care, when the intention is to indicate that they do not. Correct usage is "I couldn't / could not care less". (This isn't a Britpick per se, just something I've noticed a lot that really grates on my nerves.)

- Using the word 'mad' (to mean angry) when an English person, particularly an upper class English person like a Malfoy, would say 'angry' or 'annoyed' or 'pissed off' or 'livid'.

- British people are more likely to use the word 'telly' than the words 'TV' or 'television'

- Using the word 'mates' as a greeting (e.g. "How's it going, mates?", "I'll be seeing you, mates."). While the word "mates" is indeed the plural of "mate" (e.g. "me and my mates" is correct) using the plural in a greeting is just not done by any English person, to my knowledge. People often say, "Alright, mate?", or sometimes "maties" if talking to a group, but not "mates". The Americanism 'guys' might be used, or 'fellas'.

- No-one says "Gee" unless they're taking the piss and pretending to be American; nor does anyone say, "Listen up".

- No-one says "sure" - as in "sure it is" or "I sure hope so" - unless they're Irish, and even then they'd be more likely to say, "Sure and didn't I tell you so?" than either of the former. "Sure" is generally only used in phrases such as "Are you sure?".

- No-one uses "some" in the way Americans use it. British people say, "I'll get you some of that" but not "That hurt some" - we would say, "That hurt a bit"

(These next two from lusiology) - Only some people say "Fine" at the start of sentences when they're being huffy. We'd usually say 'Okay', 'Alright', or even 'Right then' in the same context.

- Starting sentences part way through drives me bananas, missing out the 'Do you', 'Are you' type beginnings, e.g. "Way to go." It's almost as if the subject of the sentence is missing at times.

- Using the word 'Asian' to refer to someone of Chinese or Japanese descent. The word 'Asian' in the UK refers to people of Indian, Pakistani or Bangladeshi descent.

- British cities do not have a "downtown", they have a city centre / shopping centre.

- The thing you walk on beside the street is a pavement, not a sidewalk.

- A cot is strictly a bed for babies, with side bars, not something an adult would sleep in, at least in general usage.

- Someone who is doing things slowly, or for whom one is waiting to catch up is called a slow coach, not a 'slow poke'. A slow poke would be something altogether different! ROFL!! (poke = slang for $%&#ing)

- Clothes. We don't have sneakers, we have trainers. What are called 'pumps' in the US are court shoes here, or possibly stilettoes. Pumps in the UK are slip-on, canvas, rubber-soled shoes that children wear in gym/PE (Physical Education) classes.

- We don't "wait in line", we queue, queue up or wait in a queue.

- We don't shop at stores, we shop at shops. The only exceptions to this are convenience stores and department stores, but these are likely to be referred to by brand name (e.g.s "Costcutter" for the former, "House of Fraser" for the latter).

- In a restaurant, we don't "get the check", we get the bill. And we pay with a cheque, not a check. (But more usually a credit or debit card these days.)

- The season that comes after summer is autumn, not fall.

- Pants are the things that men wear over their genitals (knickers for girls/women). (Hence the insult (to a thing, not a person), "It's pants!") The things you wear over your legs are called trousers (or jeans if made of denim). But apparently this isn't the case in Manchester, where trousers are called pants. "Keks" is a northern English term which may mean either trousers or pants, depending on precise location in the North.

- The thing water comes out of at a sink, basin or bath is a tap. Only plumbers and unbearably pretentious people call them faucets.

- The big box that moves you between different floors in a building is a lift, not an elevator.

- We don't have drug stores, we have chemists. (See under 'Muggle Health Care' for how they work.)

- British people do not add unnecessary syllables - e.g. one is obliged to someone, or to do something, not obligated. Nor do British people verb nouns, generally speaking. (Unless they're in management. Then they can get away with using words like 'leveraging'. Or they're JKR, of course.)

- British people use prepositions differently than (or to, or from ;-) ) Americans - we don't write people, we write to them (although apparently the former was correct usage in the 1940s and 50s), but we only visit them - we don't visit with them. We often drop articles - we spend time in hospital/prison etc., not in the hospital, although we might either take someone to the hospital, or just to hospital - no hard and fast rule on that one.

- The word 'quite' generally means 'a bit' in British English. Saying something is 'quite good' is damning with faint praise. Saying something is 'very good' is real praise. (Although a lot depends on context and tone of voice.)

- Brand names. Please be careful if you want to use brand names in a fic. The brand may not exist in the UK, or may be a different product, or the most well-known brand product may be something you've never heard of. Please do some research (you have access to the Internet, otherwise you wouldn't be reading this!). The same goes for other cultural signifiers, like types of house, clothes, class, etc.

Swearing and insults
(or "Arseholes, bar-stewards, $%&#ing ####!!s and pricks" - Ian Dury)
Usual swear words: shite, bugger, bollocks, $%&#, e.g. "$%&#ing shiteting hell", "shite, bugger, bollocks", "oh bollocks". It is also possible to bollocks, bugger or $%&# something up (but not to shite it up, although apparently in Newcastle the phrase 'shite up' or 'shitee up' is used). The word 'shitee' is used occasionally, as in the phrase "That's utter shitee", but the only groups of people who use it regularly instead of 'shite' are people from Ireland ("shitee!"), Newcastle ("Away and shitee!") or Liverpool ("You little gobshitee!").

"Bugger all" means the same as "$%&# all", i.e. "almost none/nothing" (e.g. "That was bugger all use.") Its use by writers as an expletive is faintly ridiculous and rather annoying. "Bugger it", "Bugger it all" or simply "Bugger" would give the desired effect.

Hardly anyone says "bloody" anything, unless they're playing a comic c--kney in a BBC play. When "bloody" is used, it is an adjective, never an adverb; "Where the bloody hell have you been?", "That bloody Malfoy," or "Get those bloody Mudbloods off my lawn!" would be correct, whereas "What the bloody $%&#?" most certainly would not be.

Usual insults to things or statements that are rubbish: "It's cr@p", It's shite", "It's pants", "You're talking bollocks", "You're talking out of your arse".

Common terms of abuse include (IMO running from the least to the most 'serious' or insulting): plonker (= slang for c--k), arse, w**ker, prick, bar-steward, $%&#er, arsehole (not 'asshole'), tosser (like 'w**ker' but can be delivered with greater venom due to the plosive at the beginning), ####!!. Any of these words can become less or more insulting simply by dint of the tone of voice used and the pre-existing relationship between the speaker and the target. Adding '$%&#ing' before any of these words is a popular way of emphasising them.

[maverickf1jockey]

The thing that really irritates me is people using netspeak in real life.
What is the point of that?
Saying LOL takes up three whole valuable syllables that could be used for a real word, such as "Great", "Classic" or even "Excellent".

Objects are named after things and people as opposed to named for them.

There is even more s h i t e than you have stated; I use it a lot and I am not from any of those areas (I'm from the south I have to admit but I have a positive Northern influence from my parents, who are from east Lancashire).

You also forgot the word "pillock", which is an archaic term for a penis.

There is also a tradition of merging words to create a new word such as "Cliterati", a combination of both the words "Clitoris" and "Literati" to create a term for a female journalist who uses her column inches to write endlessly about their and other people's vaginas. The same principal applies to "Cliterature".

[Will]

:lol: They aren't mine, was searching for info on Brit Picks, and this came up

[maverickf1jockey]

Well I only have the last paragraph in my knowledge due to having a copy of The Viz's 'Roger's Profanisaurus'.

Cliterature can also extend to "razzle" (also known as "jazz", though that tends to have pictures.).

There are some others in there such as "Abra-Kebabra"; the act of making a kebab disappear down the throat and later causing it to re materialize on the back of an obliging taxi driver's head.

"Gunt" is in there too and I leave you to come to your own conclusions.

Interestingly we never really got "Cankles" for some reason...

[nfe]

People exist who geniunely found that amusing? It's the most horribly self important, pretentious, English Public School Ex-pupil nonsense I've ever read. I almost find it insulting.

Regards text speak in real life though; Text speak enrages me in print, ever mind the apoplectic rage that hearing someone actually say lol out loud causes. Good grief.

[sambo]

For the first time ever I agree with nfe ^ :D

[dave_mc]

"- No-one says "sure" - as in "sure it is" or "I sure hope so" - unless they're Irish, and even then they'd be more likely to say, "Sure and didn't I tell you so?" than either of the former. "Sure" is generally only used in phrases such as "Are you sure?"."

not true, i'd be more likely to say the former ("sure it is"). I'd never say the latter ("sure and didn't i tell you so?"). Though of course how irish someone from northern ireland is is open to debate.

"British people use prepositions differently than (or to, or from Wink ) Americans "

you can't say "differently than", that's just horrible grammar. i know it's not yours and you just found it, will (which allows me to slag it off without feeling bad :D), but if you're going to write a big list of pet peeves in english you should probably make sure the stuff which you write yourself is beyond reproach, in terms of spelling, grammar, etc. etc.

:)

[Will]

For the first time ever I agree with nfe ^ :D

Commoners ;)

I thought it was more aimed at other variations of English, such as American English personally. I am quite picky in general (Not this bad though!) and found it quite amusing at how completely anal people can get. I quite enjoy winding people up about wrong use of words.
one of my past girlfriends 'drod' on a frog and couldn't say amberlance properly :D

[HTH AMPS]

I wish people would speak proper England like I used to could when I was a children.

[FELINEGUITARS]

I wish people would speak proper England like I used to could when I was a children.

http://www.northeastengland.talktalk.net/GeordieDictionary.htm

[nfe]

I wish people would speak proper England like I used to could when I was a children.

http://www.northeastengland.talktalk.net/GeordieDictionary.htm

 :lol:

In similar fashion, a glossary from a Christopher Brookmyre book after publishers had insisted he write one to help non-Sots readers.

afore Earlier than the time when.
auld Advanced in years.
ay Pertaining to.
baith Affecting or involving one as well as the other.
bampot A somewhat combustible individual.
baw A spherical object.
beamer Ruddy-cheeked display of embarrassment. See also riddie.
birling Motion inclined to induce disorientation.
blooter A hearty and full-blooded strike. See also lamp, scud, skelp, stoat.
boat hoose Evidence of upward mobility; a privately owned dwelling.
bogey, the game’s a Declaration of despair; resignation that all is lost.
brammer An impressive specimen. See also stoater.
brer A male sibling.
bubbling Prolonged and self-pitying bout of tearfulness.
bunnet A fetching item of headgear.
cadge To solicit charitable donations of money or more often confectionary.
cheenies Treasured orbs in the possession of the male.
chook, is it Expression of profound scepticism .
clamped Rendered lost for words.
clap To stroke affectionately. “Ken them? I’ve clapped their dug!”
coupon One’s visage.
crabbit Of foul humour. See certain Scottish broadsheet literary critics.
da Patriarchal head of the household.
dae To effect, perform or carry out an activity.
deck An incident considered sufficiently amusing as to imagine one rendered horizontal with laughter. See also gut, pish.
deid Expired, no longer with us, snuffed out, passed on, ceased to be.
diddies Protruberant milk-producing glandular organs situated on the chest of the human female and certain other mammals. See also Greeenock Morton FC.
dowt The end of a cigarette, much coveted by impoverished but aspiring apprentice smokers.
dug Four-legged domesticated flesh-eating and leg-humping mammal of the wolf-descended genus Canis familiaris.
dunt A small, controlled blow.
dwam A state of foggy befuddlement.
edgy, the Look-out duty, usually in cover of nefarious deeds.
eejit One not blessed with ample intelligence. See Old Firm supporters.
eppy Paroxysms of uncontained anger.
erse The posterior, buttocks or anus. Used by Old Firm supporters to accommodate the brain.
fae Used to indicate a starting point.
fanny The female pudenda. Term of abuse for particularly whiny and snivelling individuals. See also certain Scottish broadsheet literary critics.
feart In a state of anxiety.
fitba Popular team sport known in some quarters as “soccer”, invented and given to the world by the Scots. English claims to have invented it rest on their having the first Football Association, which proves only that they invented football bureaucracy. Thanks a pantload, guys. You form yet another bloody committee and a hundred years later, we had to put up with Jim Farry.
fly Sharp-witted and elusive.
fud See Fanny. And yet again, see certain Scottish broadsheet literary critics.
fullsy-roundsies Challenging skipping-rope technique, not for dilettantes. Comparison: see shoe-shaggy.
gallus Term of glowing approval. Derives from description of that which is cheerfully bursting with self-confidence. The word comes from “gallows”, coined at at the hanging of a Glasgow thief and murderer known as Gentleman Jim, who had remained his smiling, c--ksure and witty self right up until the drop.
gaun yersel Shout of encouragement, insinuating the recipient needs no assistance to perform his attempted feat. Literally “go on yourself”.
geezabrek Invoked to wish for peace or better fortune.
gemme A match or playful diversion. One might request to join by entreating: “Geezagemme”.
gemmie Most enjoyable, highly approved.
gie To transfer possession of something.
ginger Generic term for carbonated minerals. Despite billions of dollars spent on brand recognition and advertising, in Glasgow, Coke, Pepsi, Seven Up and Sprite are all referred to as ginger.
greeting Tearful outpouring of grief.
gub The human mouth, usually referring to a large and loud one.
gubbed Soundly beaten, inferring the resultant metaphorical closing of the aforementioned large and loud gub whose outpourings occasioned the gubbing.
guddle A state of frantic uncoordination.
guddling A subtle means of angling practised without a rod or net.
gut An incident considered sufficiently amusing as to imagine one’s innards rent asunder by laughter. See also deck, pish.
hame Where the heart is.
haun The end of the forelimb on human beings, monkeys etc utilising opposable thumbs in order to grasp objects. Also the appendages dragged along the ground at the end of Old Firm supporters’ sleeves.
heid Uppermost division of the human body, containing the brains, except in the case of Old Firm supporters. See erse.
heidie The headmaster.
hing An inanimate object as distinguished from a living being.
hingmy All-purpose procrastinatory term for that which one cannot quite think of the name of yet. Equivalent of the French truc.
honking Emitting a foul odour; poorly thought of. See St Mirren 2001-2004.
huckled Arrested or apprehended by agents of authority. See also lifted.
humping The act of coitus. Also a convincing and comprehensive victory. See Celtic 0 St Mirren 3, April 1991 or St Mirren 3 Rangers 0 October 1983.
jakey Homeless indigent partial to Buckfast and superlager.
jakey sentence An undaunting custodial term, like those commonly conferred on the above.
jammy Enjoying extreme good fortune. See Rangers 1 St Mirren 0, Scottish Cup semi-final replay 1983.
jinky Swift-footed and elusive
jobbie Malodorous human waste product. See the performance of Brian McGinlay
as referee, Scottish Cup semi-final replay 1983.
jooks Outer garment extending from the waist to the ankles.
kb-ed Rejected. Knocked back.
keech See Jobbie.
keek To glimpse briefly or surreptitiously.
keeker A black eye, rendering one able only to keek.
kerry-oot A cargo of alcoholic refreshments purchased from an off-licence to be transported elsewhere for consumption.
knock To take without consent or permission and with no intention of returning it.
lamp To strike out using one’s fist. See also blooter, scud, skelp and stoat.
lash Leather tawse used for administering corporal punishment in Scottish schools. Outlawed in the 1980s less on humanitarian grounds than upon the belated realisation that the weans were having competitions to see who could get the most lashes.
lavvy Water closet.
leather To bring considerable force to bear upon an object or person. See also malky, panelling.
lifted See huckled. That Lighthouse Family song never quite hit the same note north of the border.
lugs Organs of hearing and equilibrium in humans, Old Firm supporters and other vertebrates.
ma Female parent of a child or offspring.
maist To the greatest degree or extent.
malky An act or instrument of extreme violence. See also leather, panelling.
maw see Ma.
mention Succinct and economical graffito stating simply one’s name.
mibbae Perhaps.
minging See Honking.
mockit In a state of very poor cleanliness. See also Greenock.
moolsy Selfish, ungenerous, disinclined to share one’s sweeties with half a dozen cadgers who wouldn’t give you the steam off their shitee if it was the other way around.
morra (the) The day after today.
nae Denoting the absence of something, such as the likelihood of an Old Firm supporter winning Mastermind: “Nae chance”.
neb Nose.
noggin See Heid.
numpty See Eejit.
old firm Ingenious idiot-identification scheme which tags halfwits, criminals, thugs and assorted neerdowells voluntarily in blue or green-and-white garments, making them easier for the rest of us to avoid.
paisley (get off at) To practice coitus interruptus.
pan breid A soft loaf made with refined white flour. Also rhyming slang for deceased.
panelling A brutal and inrestrained violent assault. See also leather, malky.
pish Urine; urinary function. Also an incident considered sufficiently amusing as to imagine one rendered incontinent by laughter. See also deck, gut, and Morton blowing promotion in 2004.
porteed, you’re a Early playground declaration of intent to bring the authorities to bear upon a transgressor.
poke A paper bag.
polis Organisation employed to harrass and intimidate under-twelves.
proddy Member of the Protestant or Presbyterian faiths, or one perceived to be so due to non-attendance of a Catholic school.
puddock A frog (“Aye, it’s a braw bird, the puddock”)
riddie See beamer.
sair Painful.
sclaff Poorly executed strike of a ball failing to make clean or well-directed contact. See Jose Quitongo.
scoobie A clue, or inkling.
scud In a state of undress. Also, to strike something with dull force. See also blooter, lamp, skelp and stoat.
scud book A magazine celebrating the female form.
self-reference See self-reference.
shite See keech, jobbie, and certain Scottish broadsheet literary critics.
shoe-shaggy Undemanding novice level of skipping ropes, swinging back and forth without describing full circles. Comparison: see fullsy roundsies.
side A proper match contested by two teams, as opposed to a kick-about or a game of crossy or three-and-in.
single fish Serving of battered fish without chips which rather confusingly includes two fish. Also rhyming slang for urinary function.
skelp To strike or slap. See also blooter, lamp, scud and stoat.
skitter Diarrhoea; also anything watery, weak and poorly formed.
skoosh A task or prospect one expects to be less than taxing. Also a soft drink, usually uncarbonated.
snotters Mucous discharge.
sook The act of, or one given to acts of sycophancy or ostentatious obedience.
square go Pugilistic unarmed combat, with both parties ready and willing participants.
steamboats An advanced state of refreshment. See stocious.
staun To stand.
stauner When one’s member chooses independently to stand.
stoat See skelp, scud, lamp etc
stoater See brammer.
stocious See steamboats.
stowed Crammed to capacity.
swatch A brief glance.
tanned Subject to an act of robbery.
thae Those.
thon That.
tight Descriptive of a young lady of robust moral virtue, who probably has nae tits anyway.
toe A strike at a football making up in brute power what it lacks in accuracy and panache.
wan The singular; one.
weans Children.
winching The romantic pursuit of young ladies.
wrang The opposite of right. See Brian McGinlay’s decision to award Sandy Clark a goal in the 1983 Scottish Cup semi-final replay when the ball failed to come within two feet of the goal line. See also Brian McGinlay’s failure to award St Mirren any one of three stonewall penalties during the same match.
yin The singular. See also Wan.
yins Multiples of the singular.

[Perandor]

this is an interesting thread

[Roobubba]

I am often riled by various grammatical atrocities in common usage today.

Just one of the many examples with which I could bore you: "regular" drinks. Regular is not a size, regular means repeating at (approximately) the same interval. In addition, regular and frequent are often confused, but this 'new' use of the word regular to mean something like "normal" or "medium-sized" is infuriating.

I could go on for days, but I respect at least some of you (sorry, Tele players...) enough to without my other grammar-related nuggets of boredom.

[noodleplugerine]

I am often riled by various grammatical atrocities in common usage today.

Just one of the many examples with which I could bore you: "regular" drinks. Regular is not a size, regular means repeating at (approximately) the same interval. In addition, regular and frequent are often confused, but this 'new' use of the word regular to mean something like "normal" or "medium-sized" is infuriating.

I could go on for days, but I respect at least some of you (sorry, Tele players...) enough to without my other grammar-related nuggets of boredom.

How about regular chips then? If someone offered me to "go large", and I said "no thanks just the regular", is that incorrect?

[FernandoDuarte]

I was really finding it amusing (as I'm trying to avoid the american accent), untill Mr nfe show about 100 words that I've never seen before... become way too much information :lol: