Who Gets Custody Of The Friends???

[MrBump]

Looks like two of my best friends are getting divorced.

It sucks - we all met at university, some 20 plus years ago.  All got married at about the same time, all had kids at the same time.

It's gonna be really strange, not having those relationships any more.  Kinda thought that we'd all grow old together, and that the kids would too - they're pretty good friends, and always enjoy meeting up.

It sucks.

[Philly Q]

It sucks, but you could still maintain the relationships - albeit in a different way - unless you get dragged into "taking sides".

And look at it another way - you could gain new friends if they both find new partners.

[Andrew W]

I agree with Philly here. If you can avoid taking sides it's probably for the best in the long run. I'm at the age where the first divorces of school and college friends are happening and, thus far, I have still been able to maintain the relationships. Things will change but it's not necessarily for the worst, long term. A couple I know who'd got together in the first year at college and broke up about eighteen months ago have both blossomed as individuals and I think they'd both admit that now. It's a tough time initially, but things do work themselves out usually.

[WezV]

we have had it a couple of times in the last few years.  well, not 20+ year relationships, but still long enough to matter.

generally we make a point of keeping in touch with both sides, but also let both sides know that is what we intend to do.  but you tend to find one of the relationships may tail off naturally.   

the problems arise if either party is looking to blame the other one, they have a right to bitch and moan to someone, but you have to be clear where your boundaries lie with that, and also aware they might not have anyone else to bitch and moan to..... then it feels like a balancing act

 

[Nadz1lla]

Not completely the same, but two of my best friends got together a few years back, and recently they split up for some fairly strong reasons. One of them being she fell in love with his house-mate, and now they have moved away together. I am still best friends with both of them, however, as they know they can't ask me to choose between them and they never would anyway. It ended on fairly bad terms, there is a lot of bad feeling between them, but neither of them begrudge me the relationships I still hold with them both.

If they are your true friend, they should understand and not hold it against you if you still maintain a healthy relationship with each of them.  :)

[WezV]

If they are your true friend, they should understand and not hold it against you if you still maintain a healthy relationship with each of them.  :)

see, one of mine i was not thinking about above was actually my parents - so there is a lot more reason for me to want to maintain a relationship with both parties.

you would think they both understood that


real life means its not always easy and straight forward.

I once watched a bbc or channel four document which charted the first year of a marital breakdown.  it started at the point they had decided to separate and move apart.   both parties started with the best of intentions, stating how they really wanting to make it the quickest and most amicable divorce ever and had no bad feelings about the other partner

But what actually happened is other people got involved.   discussing it with other people led them to giving standard answers like "you are too good for him", "i cant believe she is doing that" and various other bollox which really does not help a divorcing couple reach an amicable end.  What they initially wanted got lost in the bitterness which largely seemed to come from listening to other people telling them what they thought they should be getting from the breakup