Author Topic: My bass player dumped me :( (Read 11384 times)

Jp. · « **on:** June 14, 2006, 11:29:43 AM »

After about 2 years of trying to start various bands (covers or originals), I finally found a routine with a bass player who in all honesty was a shitee load better than me.

We started writing original stuff, lyrics were cr@p but the riffs/guitar work really had some hooks.

Anyway He got an offer from an old friend of his to play in a working heavy metal band.

Its now a case of too many strikes and your out. I give up.

If not for this forum I would have no contact with anything musical at all. I havent touched a guitar in about a month. I dont care and every time I stare at my stack of packed up guitar cases I just feel contempt. For everything.

I'm now flat out preparing my house for my new baby to come in september.... also looking at Motorcross bikes and drift cars with a certain level of enthusiasm.

Maybe I should stick to what I know? Cars and Bikes.

Self-pitiful rant over

willo · « **Reply #1 on:** June 14, 2006, 11:44:33 AM »

I guess this is why it can be daunting to play with players who are better than yourself. I remember reading a Mick Goodrick book, and he was saying how regret is just a waste; regretting how you didn't play like this at that time and so on. I know it might sound a little assanine, but just try and appreciate the time that you had, and the music that you made.

You don't have to be great to make great music, though. So, keep your spirits up!

And congralutions on the baby, I think that would be the most amazing thing in the whole world! :D

Chris1974 · « **Reply #2 on:** June 14, 2006, 01:15:10 PM »

A few words from my own recent experience that may help you sort things out in your head :

A few months ago my girlfiend of 2 and half years decided she wanted us to split up (still friends though), then in the same week the drummer and bass played I'd been playing with decided they were bored with it and didn't want to play together anymore ......... I went thru the natural "pissed off with it all..........why me" phase

then after wallowing in my own petrid self pity I had a good long hard think about it all and realised that I am actually someone of worth and ability, i then set myself some goals to achieve :

A) My ex will eventually miss me, if its meant to be we will get back together.

B) Retreat back to my bedroom sort out my playing/songwriting and recruit new band members - this also helps with goal A - my cunning to plan to tempt my ex back - how can she resist me when she sees me in a kick ass rock band :twisted:

So keep yer chin up, I know its easy to say but appreciate what you've got, a baby on the way + hopefully a loving girlfirend/wife ?

With a little self belief, trust and patience you can make some things happen !!

Oh and a little word on the whole guitar technique/ability not good enough thing :

Kieth out of the stones Vs Steve Vai - complete extremes of guitar technique/ability but who's written the most enduring, rocking ,catchy songs / riffs between them ? You may have a couple of no.1s up your sleave and not realise it !!

38thBeatle · « **Reply #3 on:** June 14, 2006, 07:35:28 PM »

Yeah chin up mate. I don't know what the muso scene is like where you live but I can assure you I have had my share of setbacks and heart aches both in music and life generally but in the end, it is all experience and generally is some use. Keep playing in spite of it all. I have had some dark hours and music has been of great solace. Your forthcoming child will, I am sure, bring great joy into your life. Fatherhood is the greatest gift I can think of.
And Chris ( you do not escape the searching eye of the Beatle) - sorry about to hear of your relationship breaking up- been there done it, yearned for her to see the light and have me back,moped around for 2 years when it never happened, remained friends ( I am talking ex wife ) and met someone else and I ended up happier than ever- let go is what I say.

chrisola · « **Reply #4 on:** June 14, 2006, 10:36:48 PM »

I get this.

I dont have anyone to talk gear with or jam with.

I think of the effort\time i put in but i'm still complete Turd.

Then i listen to something\watch a live band dvd and BOOM it comes back and i think 'feckin hell.. thats awesome' grab my guitar and really nail out some stuff and feel alot better about everything.

Drift cars eh... expensive and pretty limited unless you live near a race track\air strip type place that does track days aimed at it (afaik you would get banned for drifting in a non drifting day.. too dangerous to do amongst 'normal' drivers).

i NEARLY bought a Toyota Supra but in the end went for an Impreza.. 4wd is a bit safer than RWD and i thought a 170mph \ 0-60 in 4sec land barge like the Supra was ooverkill... id never get to drift it or drag it.. but the scooby gets to dart round north wales b roads every other day ;)

jt · « **Reply #5 on:** June 14, 2006, 11:53:32 PM »

:D Sorry to hear the News there JP.

It can get soul destroying when you keep running into walls all the time. But sometimes you need to take a long view of things. I play in a Duo my music partner has 2 great kids [ i love`em both ] They have & are growing up in a house/home full of music.....how wonderfull is that !! :D

I see there friends & look at there souless, lifeless homes were all they do is watch TV...what kinda life is that ? Let your kid grow up in house/home that has a love of & for music you wont regret it espiecially when they start singing Stones songs with `ya !! :D

It was because i got feed up with dealing with singers that i decided to start playing instrumentals instead. I can play Bass, i can programme Drums so i thought F**k singers there a bunch of talentless W*nkers any way. Try it you might like it.

Chris sorry Bro but you`ve been dumped. I can`t believe that can we still be friends S**t !!

If she wanted to be with you she would be ! They only ever come out with that Friends cr@p when they want to get of lightly !!

You should want to be in a Kick Ass Band because you want to be in a Kick Ass band. It wont bring her back !! BUT it might help you find someone else.

:D 8)

Chris1974 · « **Reply #6 on:** June 15, 2006, 01:18:34 PM »

Cheers for the advice chrisola - jt ,

I know where you're coming from, as I've been through the same thing about 5 years ago, my ex wanted to split up but stay friends which i tried but it hurt too much, in the end I said it was better that we didn't see each other - in the end I got over her then met the girl i've recently split up with - I thought this was really it but then she decides she needs "her own space" so can we just be friends (sounds familiar !!), problem is we share the same crowd of mates so its hard to avoid each other if we wanted to.

To make it harder still I've asked her a few times point blank if she's bored with me, wants to move on, meet other fellas etc. not to spare my feelings and just tell me and i'll know exactly where i stand, but she said its none of those reasons.

I guess as time goes on i'll get the message !!! I'm just too stubborn and won't give in easily when there's something that I really want.

As it happens i'm lookin for a new job and there's not much going in hull where i live so i'm thinking of moving out of town to somewhere new as I don't have any ties here.

I think Tim should start a new "heartbreak hotel" forum for these sort of disscussions !!!

Petre · « **Reply #7 on:** June 15, 2006, 02:16:03 PM »

Quote

I think Tim should start a new "heartbreak hotel" forum for these sort of disscussions !!!

++1

I myself have had relationship troubles. Aint splendid. I broke up with my girlfriend about a month back after a month and a half for various reasons. But then she wanted me back and i didnt. Then i wanted her back and she didnt. Now we both want eachother back but the world doesnt. Its never easy, no matter how things turn out. and 95 times out of 100 things will never be the same the second time round.

But anyways, you always need one thing to put all your love and effort into. for JP, put your love and effort into your child thats on its way :) (congrats by the way). Dont forget music tho, just persist with things. Try writing music solo. Buy a cheap bass or something and some sort of recording setup. Then track all your own instruments and come up with some great stuff.. and dont forget to encourage the younguns!

As for Chris, try and move on, I know its not easy. Ive been trying but me and my ex share the same set of friends too, so its rough. But focus on music and being in a band. Thats my aim, hence my desperation for an amp! As long as you have something to put your love into, you should do fine :)

My words of wisdom. I may be as young as they come, but ive had my fair share of heartbreaks, and in my experience age has very little affect on maturity :roll:

Petre

jt · « **Reply #8 on:** June 15, 2006, 02:19:00 PM »

:D That [ The Job ] sounds ideal !

it`ll give you a new fresh start that`s allways good :D Don`t worry about her you need to look after yourself. if you don`t you`ll be forever chasing your tail & you`ll never be happy.

:D 8)

Chris1974 · « **Reply #9 on:** June 15, 2006, 03:32:37 PM »

Amen to that brother

The band is top priority from now on :!:

Jp. · « **Reply #10 on:** June 16, 2006, 05:23:20 AM »

.....Aaaahhhh well this took on a whole new direction than I thought. :!:

I really sympathize with a lot of what is going on in some of your lives, women can be nuts.

The worst part is I spoke to my bass player (err...ex-bass player) last night and he's really not having fun with his new band.

Basically it comes down to goals. people consciously or not set goals for themselves.

My goal is to just gig every now and than. Play rockstar on the occasional weekend and carry on with the real worl during the week. Thats it.

This new band he's in is really trying to make it. whatever "it" is. The lead ego's in the group are going all out to try and make it big.

they did a gig the other day and he made one mistake all night.
The lead guitarist at the end of the night told him the whole night was horrible and sounded shitee.

oh well

Chris1974 · « **Reply #11 on:** June 16, 2006, 01:17:21 PM »

Yeah it can be a funny thing trying to get the balance with bands right.

The old chestnut of bands trying to make "it" whilst some of the band members are trying to hold down regular jobs in a normal life, I guess the best time to try it is when you're really young and don't have major commitments - jobs, morgages, car loans, wives/kids etc.

Still, it never stopped Sting and Mark Knopfler who didn't really make "it" till their early 30's ? and still had full time jobs etc. I think at the end of the day if you come up with the goods (musically) work hard at it and a sprinkling of good luck you will make it to some degree or other whatever your age.

I see a lot of young bands around Hull who copying the likes of the strokes, libertines etc. and you can tell they just so want to make it big but just aren't anything special music wise, they just love the image dream of it all ...........sorry, trying not to sound bitchy !

I love music, its my number 1 passion and hobby, but I'm quite sensible and honest with myself, my main goal is to get a band together playing my own stuff and play it to people where ever they'll listen, local pubs will do me fine - where you can see the whites of their eyes !! if anything more should come of it then thats a bonus. But I've got a job which will put a roof over my head and fund my GAS :D

I haven't gigged for years since I use to play the trumpet and I really miss it, its such a buzz :P .............. you can't beat it , its the same feeling you get when you get it on with your girlfriend for the first time, or, if you surf; catching that first big wave ............... love it !!

BleedMarshall · « **Reply #12 on:** June 16, 2006, 02:53:45 PM »

ADVICE

"Don't let the bar-stewards keep you down."

In other words, keep plugging along, and you will do fine.

Sometimes I have to quit playing for a week or two to get a better handle on what I was doig, and what I will be doing. I have to sit back and think about why I am doing what I am doing music wise. I listen to music I normally don't, and play things when I play again I normally wouldn't. It always helps me out, and it will you as well if you really think and examine your playing and where your playing has lead you over the years. Music makes us more intelligent and thinking about it can really do you some good.

Not to mention that I have 3 children (fraternal twins ages 10, and an 11 month old baby daughter) and all of them have grown up with music. You will be sad when you miss the chance to let the baby whack at the guitar, move the knobs, and pluck the strings. The smile will be well worth any time you have spend playing to them. I played guitar to my baby daughter while she was still in womb, and now you can't keep her away from the guitars. Hell! I can't even take her in a shop. She tries to pull all the guitars down if she can reach them, and wants to touch them all and pitches a fit when she can't. :lol:

Thing is Brother is to stay with it. I have had a guitar in my hands since I was a year old. (It had steel strings too.

) So I should be real discouraged to not be making millions at age 29 now. If my silly ass can do it, so can you. You love it, so do it.

Plus don't blame experience as to why you don't play. Playing with those that are more proficient than you will do nothing but make you better, if you go into it with the right attitude.

Either way....

DON'T QUIT!!!!!

Jp. · « **Reply #13 on:** June 17, 2006, 11:16:45 AM »

Quote

I love music, its my number 1 passion and hobby, but I'm quite sensible and honest with myself, my main goal is to get a band together playing my own stuff and play it to people where ever they'll listen, local pubs will do me fine - where you can see the whites of their eyes !! if anything more should come of it then thats a bonus. But I've got a job which will put a roof over my head and fund my GAS

Chris If you ever move to Perth WA give me a call. You and I have exactly the same goals in mind.

I guess I wasnt really fishing for symapthy when I wrote this thread. I really was/am just so frustrated with the fact that the hardest thing in music is to find like minded musicians.

Anyways the pain of others does have kind of a soothing effect :lol:

38thBeatle · « **Reply #14 on:** June 17, 2006, 06:13:16 PM »

I agree with the pphilosophy of doing what you love for the sake of loving it and, as Bleedmarshall says, don't quit. I know of people who have "made it" and I can't see that they are no happier than I am. I get to play what I want when I want. I play in a covers band as I enjoy it but I write my own stuff and record and play with like minded souls and the chances of having a major hit are pretty remote but I don't do it for that and don't give a b*gger. keep at it lads- play for the pleasure of it it cos there is is tons of pleasure to be had.