Yup, XII is a liiiiiitttle bit harder than the previous installments :) Although having played some of the Japanese versions, I'm wondering if they simply didn't make it easier for Americans when they translated it :D
I did my usual grind of tooling up a few levels at the beginning, and it still kicks my arse. You soon realise you can't get by by simply being 5 levels above what the game expects at a perticular stage. Having said that, some of the status spells (sleep / slow / blind &c.) are much more effective in XII than previously which helps a bit ... sleep the boss then frantically heal :)
As for real time I was worried about that too and nearly didn't get XII becasue of it ... but XII isn't real time at all IMO as selecting any action for any character from the action menu pauses everything. Its just that you can assign automatic actions so it can look real time. I actually think the Gambits add a whole new interesting element to the game as you can do some sneaky stuff ... and also screw yourself utterly. FF X2 was kind of similar in a way with the attack chaining stuff.
If you loved the other FFs, you WILL love XII. It is everything you want from an FF, plus some new stuff to get to grips with. The characters, plot, world, side quests, level up system, monsters ... all of it ... its all superbly put together, distinctively FF and you're missing out on a superb game if you snub it because you feel its too different from the previous games in the series.