A lot of what Dmoney (and others) are saying here is pretty familiar ground for me to.
I also lost my mum last year, in March, after she'd suffered with a brain tumor since the previous August. She'd had two operations and a course of radiotherapy, and having to see her going through that knowing there was nothing I could do to help was very difficult to take. She died at home, with my dad and I there. Seeing that is without a doubt the single most difficult thing I've ever done, and it's a memory I'll carry until my dying day.
Then in June last year, I was made redundant from my job as newspaper sub-editor, via a 'skills matrix' system (rather than last in, first out), which took no account of the effect my mum's death had had on my performance, or the fact I hadn't missed a single day's work throughout it.
I was out of work for six months, during which I lost interest in most things - picked up a guitar infrequently because I was p!ssed off at all the money I had tied up in them, couldn't be bothered to keep myself in decent shape or eat properly.
I've had counselling to deal with bereavement, which I've found very useful to be honest - without it I'm reasonably sure that the anger I had at the situation would have got the better of me at some point.
My friends also played a huge part in helping me through it, and they still are to a large extent. I'm back working now, in the third sector not journalism - meaning I've abandoned the career I wanted since I was 16 - but it's a good job which should hopefully have a good career path to it.
I'm also trying to get fit again, and playing guitar is giving me a real buzz for the first time in a long while. Fortunately I never lost interest in music itself, but I understand how it can happen.
Not everthing's perfect now by any means - I turned 29 on May 16, and it's that stage of life where most friends are long-term coupled up, engaged or getting married (there are 2 sets of friends' weddlings this month alone), whereas I'm perpetually and unhappily single. But hopefully that will change.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that it is possible to come through these things. I'm not through it yet, but I'm getting there. There's no simple answer by any means, although some of the advice already given, about diet, excercise and sleep in particular, is very sensible.
I hope things get better for everyone here who's had or is having a rough time.
Si
That was a very engaging narrative ( not surprisingly - given your last 'Day job' ) . I also thought it demonstrated / outlined very helpfully and clearly, the 'Way out of the woods' - and how naturaly slow that process often is. Slow ,
but in the way that to benefit from the lessons gleaned - and for the process of regeneration to sit on good foundations , is actually better moving at a
sustainable ( as opposed to our prefered ) pace . It is easier to say with hindsight, but ( I feel ) important to emphasise that what often feels like an erratic and slow recovery, is usually a more comprehensive recovery - and that better things follow after, than before - to this 'New' person we evolve into.
I remembered the best advice I was ever given ( which I carried out dutifully , but uncomprehending of it's true value at the time ) - by A Psychiatric constultant when hospitalised in the early 80s . He told me to do my hobbies as usual. At the time, I was just alternating between numb and anxious - and so resisted this idea.
I said to him :
" But I don't
feel anything when I do them anymore - there is no connection " .
His reply was :
" I am
not asking you to do them and feel anything, I'm
telling you to
DO them ! ".
It was a clever ruse of course, as the connections came back, neural pathways needing to be 'tickled' to re-start, whether I knew / felt / understood why or not. Of course doing the things in a state of apathy , fear and futility felt more 'uncomfortable' than leaving them alone in the early weeks and months, but it worked.
We are at least fortunate that we have our beloved hobby / hobbies to return to, and with music, one that often gets stronger and more enjoyable after letting the pasture go fallow for a length of time.
I think the greatest message I felt from your particular story ( in respect and reverence to all that preceded too of course ) - was that we were sharing the narrative of a natural / healthy 'Life Cycle' of loss - and recovery ; that the narrative had not only a common, painful core - but that it radiated outwards and shone forward, toward the reasonable expectation of something better .
Not least the Nobility shown in the story of looking after your Mum - and unflinchingly persevering in "Doing the right thing " for a loved one. Also your good wishes to the preceding contributors showing continued 'greatness of spirit'.
The stories presented in this thread, reminding us of the universal nature of these experiences - and that there IS a way forward. As an old Japanese (?) proverb reminds us :
" Fall down eight times, stand up nine".
All the very best with your own carreer and the eventual meeting of a nice partner.
:)
